Fair away
by WishUponAfallenstar
Summary: Set after Breakingdawn. Edward and his family are going to Chicago to see where Edward grew up. Edward is bothered by memories of his past, not just any memories, memories centered around a girl,but he has told no one of the past he shared with her.AU Ex?
1. when love dies

_"Love is acceptance. When you love someone you take them into your heart, and that is surely why it hurts so much when we lose someone we love, because we lose a part of ourselves." ~Unknown _

Chapter 1 -_"when __**love **__dies"_-

"It will be all right Edward" Alice reassured me, but I couldn't hear her words. I tried to think of bella and how much I love her, and how much it would hurt her if I broke up with her. Not just break up, but divorce her.

We have been married 40 years, not only that, but we had a child. I turned her into a vampire to save her from death, of _having_ that child. We love each other, I would do anything for her, she would do anything for me, and we told each other everything. Well, all but one _thing_ and when I say _thing_, I mean a girl. A girl I was absolute in love with who died a year before I even became a vampire myself.

Anna was perfection, she had beautiful, long flowing blonde hair to her lower back and darkest blue eyes you have ever seen. In our neighborhood, everyone new each other, most even, were related, through marriage. There was two main families, Fairaway and the James. My family, though would come in a close third.

She was in an arrange marriage with the eldest son of the James at 16. She was a twin, but her being the eldest, she had no choice. Me, being the friend that I was, at that time, stood by her and watched the pain, fully clear in her ocean eyes. I couldn't bare it, it broke my heart. Not only was the one I loved, not marring me, but I had to stand and watch her stuffer.

But then the day came. My dad and I where in the pallor at the Fairaway household, when we heard a commotion upstairs. I was always in tuned to Anna and I knew this _one_ commotion was centered around her. I ran up the stairs, living my dad behind me confused. I ran to her room, but I stopped short of her door, I heard voices asking 'anna, sweetheart, are you all right?' and 'what should we do?, should we take her to the infirmary?' That did it, I opened the door to find her, her mom, and her maids in the bathroom. As I moved to come closer, I noticed what all the commotion was about. Anna was at the sink, hand on her mouth, but I could clearly see the blood.

A week later she was diagnosed with a rare heart condition. The doctors didn't expect her to make it to her seventeenth birthday, let alone even a month. I barely saw her anymore, she was constantly supervised and never did she leave her room. There was no treatment, just pain killers, but they seemed to make it worse. At least that's what her mom told me.

Two weeks had past and I needed to see her, one last time. Every one I talked to about her, said she was only getting worse. Even to the point of them saying 'I don't think she'll make it tell morning.' I stood in the backyard of her house, looking up, surprised to see the lights off in her room. It seemed like everyday I came to see her, god was putting us apart, with people with her in her room, that I knew would banish me away. I scaled the back of her house to her balcony, but what I saw when I opened the french doors, stopped my heart.

In the moonlight I could clearly see her usually so full of color, pale face, and instead of a peaceful expression on her sleeping face, she had a pained expression. I saw the raged up and down motion, of her breathing and I truly understood why every time I talked to someone about her they would get a far away look in their eyes. I looked away from her pained figure and surveyed her room, it held furniture, but her usual clutter filled room was no more. Now, it was almost completely empty, except for medicine bottles on her vanity and flowers in vases on her dressers. What surprised me most, was the absents of the pictures, I so clearly remember to have been in her room. She loved her family, she loved having them next to her as she slept, but no where did I see _one_ picture.

It dawned on me, fast and unstoppable, they were giving up on her. I realized how must she feel having to watch them take out all she had precious to her_ heart_. A voice startled me "Its just material objects" she said. I turned, and her blue eyes, I come to know so well, looked back at me. She was always attuned to me, as well. "Yes" I said and I wondered if she heard me. "Why didn't you come sooner?" she asked her voice weak. "They wouldn't allow me to" I answered. She nodded once. "Im going to miss you Edward" she said and closed her eyes. Me, thinking she was merely was tired and going to sleep, didn't really register the thought of those were her finally words in tell the next day she was pronounced died.

Now, almost a hundred and fifty years latter, I was coming back to the place where so many memories existed. Behind me on the plane I heard Nessie asked bella if I was alright, she answered with something Nessie already knew, that I grew up in the place we were now landing. "Don't worry Edward, everything is going to be alright." Alice said once again, but she, nor did anyone else knew about Anna and me and what happened weeks before she was diagnosed. Something that would tear my family apart.

I knew it was wrong, she was engaged for crying out loud, but even though it was against the way I was raised, they gave us no choice! I loved her and even tell this day, half of me still belong to her, but I would never tell bella that, nor will she ever know of _Anna_ or the night I gave into Anna completely.

Note- This story is rated M for a reason. Please review or PM me on your thoughts.


	2. about three things

_"Love is always a good thing no matter how much it hurts. Even after it's over, even through the pain, anyone who has ever really loved will tell you that they never regretted a second of it, no matter how much it hurt in the end. And if you tell me differently, I will tell you that you were not truly in love." ~April Nizlek _

**warning**-Rated M for a _reason_

**Chapter 2-**_**"About three things"-**_

Chicago 1917

About three things I was absolutely sure of, one given into Anna wasn't very hard at all, two, I do not care that it was against all I believed in and third I don't regret doing it one bit.

"Anna" I moaned into her mouth. It was wrong, I knew that much, but I couldn't make my body stop. We were on her bed fully clothed, but with her, I didn't know if that would stay like that. She was engaged to another man, and it was wrong to of me to even kiss here, like I am now, but I couldn't stop, nor did I want to.

She took the lead, unraveling her arms from around my neck and unbuttoning my buttoned up shirt, that I knew should stay that way, but what was right and what was wrong, didn't travel the same lines tonight with me and her.

All I knew was what was right was the feeling I got when I was with her, everyday, and that made me know, now, that doing this, was right.

"I love you" she said, as my shirt hit the floor of her room. I was just glad the door was locked for what we were about to do.

Some how, instinct took over me and I brought her back into the kiss and my arms around her waist, I untied her dress, like I did it all the time.

"Piano hands" Anna said to my lips. She was right on one account, I did play piano.

Her dress slipped out of my hands onto the floor, only to join my shirt.

I unzipped her corset, and instinct took over me and I massaged her breast.

She moaned, I hope no one heard her.

She moved her hands down my chest, to my pants, unbuttoned and unzipped them and moments later they fell to the floor.

Soon, we were both with out any clothes, I lay on top of her, balancing myself, and looking deep into her eyes. Unsure, if she really wants to go through with these, if she feels she's betraying her fiance, of whom she feels nothing towards. In that sense, I feel lucky, even if they get married, which they will do to it being arranged, _he_ would never get this close to her.

The truth comes out of my mouth before Im capable of stopping it. "I love you."

She smiles, "that's why were here" she says.

I flow into her easy, effortlessly, but I noticed her pained expression.

"Your so tight"

She chuckles.

I truly didn't regret it, because in my heart, where I felt all those feelings, I know, that she caused them.

"I love you" I whisper again, as she and I, both drift off to sleep.

How much, I wish, to sleep now, when bella and I are on our hotel bed in the same city as I lived so many years ago. I wish I could complain, that Im to tired to do what she wants me to do, but I cant.

All through the night, instead of bella in the mind, I see Anna, the one I will that truly owns my heart, even after I gave it to bella.

About 1 thing I was truly positive. Im in love with a died girl and even worse, I was cheating on her, with my own wife.

A.N-sorry it didn't really have all the distributive details. Im a girl, so its hard writing this type of scene in a guy's perspective. Review and PM me on your thoughts.


	3. breaking apart

_"In a perfect world, when he's with her, he would be wishing he was with me; when he looked at her, he would be looking at me; when he smiled at her, his smile would be for me; when he thought about someone, he would be thinking about me. In a perfect world, he would realize that she wasn't the one he was supposed to be with and I would still be standing here waiting for him still when he finally knows this. But this isn't a perfect world and people do get hurt, you smile when you feel like crying, you act like you're okay when you're falling __**apart **__inside and you let it go. You move on, because there's nothing else you can do." ~Unknown_

Chapter 3- _Breaking __**apart**_-

Broken apart from the core, I couldn't bare to bring myself to look at myself in the mirror that next morning. I did love bella, but not in the same way, not as powerful has I loved someone I would never see again, except in the fragments and muddy memories of my mind.

Bella knew something was wrong, but I also knew that she thought it was due to being here, in Chicago, remembering the past. If only she knew how close she was from the truth.

Alice, thankfully arrived before bella could ponder my actions and words. She blocked her thoughts from me, this couldn't be good.

"I know what we can do today"alice enlightened us. I rose one eyebrow, but she was looking at bella. "The weather is perfect overcast" she informed us. "Get to the proposal alice" I demanded. She looked at me. "I propose," she rolled her eyes, and turned back to bella "we adventure into edward's past." she said clapping her hands and jumping up and down. I froze, no! "Alice," I said but she cut me off, "no, we are doing it" she said and left the room saying be ready in 10.

Bella looked at me and I wondered how my face looked like to her, fearful? I didn't want her, or anyone to find out about anything, because anything could lead to _her_.

Anna was a model and if alice truly wanted to get to my past, pictures of her would surely come up in any internet search site if you look up Chicago 1901-1918. I tried to calm mt fear, 'they don't have to know_ I _knew her.'

"Are you ok edward?" Bella asked me, her voice full of concern. "Yes, _love_." I hated how that hurt to say that. 'I_ hope_ so.'

She gave me a smile, a few minutes later we were ready to go to where every alice would take us. We left the hotel and I felt someone grab my hand, already knowing who it was, I kissed her forehead.

I knew, then, I would have to move on, not only did I have a wife, but I had a beautiful daughter as well.

Nessie smiled up at me, she was all grown up, but stayed physically around 16. I smiled back, happy on the outside, but on the inside I was breaking apart.

I would have to lock away my heart, but of course that was an impossible task, because it belongs to someone else.

We took two cars, Alice, Bella, Nessie, and me in the first car and the other car holding the rest of our family, following closely behind. Alice took us to the outskirts of Chicago and I had to do a double take once I saw the sign, _alice took us to the Chicago cemetery!_**(from 1900-1920)** "Alice, wha" I started to say but she quickly cut me off. "No its ok, Im sure you want to see your own grave," she laughed "beside's I brought flowers, like...gifts to your family and friends." She finished.

There was no one there besides us along with the dead, feet below us and as we walked down the rows of tomb stones. Each one leading Alice or Esme or even bella to ask, 'did you know them' and if I did 'who were they' and 'what were my relations with them.' and then we approached the one I been dreading, the one that I don't think I could keep calm and collected and lie that I didn't know her, all the emotions came to the surface, fast and unstoppable. Jasper took a few step back and held his head in his hands, feeling all that I felt.

Alice quickly looked at jasper, honestly confused. "Jazz?, are you alright?" The others followed her example and asked him questions, it seemed like my emotions had shocked him to an extend that he couldn't even speak. He looked up at me, questions running through his head directed to me. I shook my head and looked away from jasper's gaze. I did the only thing I could do that moment, I took a flower from the basket Alice held and I took out a single red rose and lay it on her grave, it told everything, when the rose landed on the grave all my emotions retreated and I moved onto the next grave.

No one said anything for the rest of the visit, but their thoughts betrayed that silence. Im sure that they all would ask later about _anna_, after all they saw _her name _on the grave that caused so much pain for me, that was portrayed on my face.

'_There goes the plan for them not finding out about her.'_

The questions rang in my head, my own thoughts.

'_How would I tell them about her, lie?, that clearly didn't work back there, so is the only option left is to tell the truth?'_

.

..

...

..

.

'_I don't think so'_


	4. Hurt

**Now That You're Gone**

Now that you're gone, I realize  
How much you meant to me.  
My loss is wide as a starless night sky,  
And deep as a stormy sea.

I miss the comfort of your sweet love,  
Your absolute devotion;  
Now I'm a fountain of endless tears,  
A pool of sad emotion.

They tell me I should move on with life,  
That time will heal my pain;  
I smile and nod and agree with them,  
While I slowly go insane.

_By Joanna Fuchs_

Chapter 4-"_Hurt_"-

I couldn't help but feel a los of words, as we made our way back to the hotel, I found the others, honestly confused, upon my behavior and its only natural. Anna slipped in and out of my head for decades now and this is only opening old wounds. I find it hard to even come up with a valid thought, without her in it. When Bella came in my life, I thought I would finally be able to move on, its what Anna would want.

I remember her and I speaking of the future. We were so naive to think of life as one big portrait, made for each individual to hold their fate in their own hands, at the ends of a paint brush.

I wish I still thought that way today, but I knowing much more then I did then, realize that so much more effect's the portrait of a person's life. It makes me sad thinking of hers as a blank canvas, but I find comfort in the fact, she effected my portrait so much. She was genuine, lovable, and had a pure heart. No matter what the doctors say, I knew she had a strong heart.

Bella sat besides me in the car, inches apart from each other, but so far apart. I looked to her face, she had a distant look in her eyes and so did Alice for that matter. The car didn't move a fraction of an inch, but Alice wasn't exactly _here_. Her vision was fuzzy, but I say it all to clearly, we were at a fair of some kind, the volume was horrific, it was dark but the lights were spinning. The scene inside both Alice and my head was people dancing and swaying to the music. I saw myself clearly dancing with someone that I couldn't see with Alice's vision. Bella ran through my head, I supposed that my plan excusing about how I acted at the cemetery, was nothing more then remorse for a _family_ _friend_, will work and me and bella were dancing. Holding onto, whatever love we had left, but when the vision spun around it wasn't Bella in my arms.

She didn't _look_ familiar, but the aura she carried was even felt in the foresight of Alice's vision, something, that might not even happen. For a reason I didn't understand, I was saddened at the thought of not even being able to met _her_.

I always thought Bella took me by surprise, that everyone else's moves were easy to see, but Alice sure took me by surprise. She slammed on the breaks and going 120 miles per hour all the way down to 0, Im glad Nessie didn't go smashing into the windshield. Carlisle stopped behind us, missing our back bumper by centimeters. Emmett spoke up from the second car, "Why the sudden stop Alice!?" He yield, even though he knew we could plainly hear. We were just lucky this was a side road, and not a freeway.

Alice, who hadn't answered Emmett or even acknowledged other faint attempts at getting through to her, looked at me.

"You wouldn't" she whispered. She was hurt.

'Does she honestly think I would cheat on Bella?' I asked myself.

The look on her face said it all.

.

..

.

_Yes, yes she does._


	5. realization

_"Real love hurts. Real love makes you totally open and vulnerable, and often miserable. Real love will take you far behind yourself, and therefore real love will devastate you. If love doesn't shatter you, you don't know real love." ~Unknown_

Chapter 5-"_realization_"-

Alice was about to surly yell at me but she had no time, the world twisted in that instant and strange and vivid images pierced my vision.

I closed my pain filled eyes.

I was flying-no soaring on the dance floor, the world spun around me, that you might confuse it with dizziness, but I knew that couldn't possibly be, vampire's are unable to become dizzy, even disoriented. Unless caused by another vampire, but I smelled only humans.

I couldn't see anything clearly, except to beautiful deep ocean blue eyes.

"EDWARD!" I recoiled as if I was hit, but nothing had touched me. I opened my eyes.

Alice was clearly the culprit of the voice. "You didn't have to yell." I said calmly. Jasper's gift could not penetrate Alice's wrath, and unfortunately, I was the target of that wrath.

What was uncalled for was Alice attacking me mentally, she yelled such harsh words. It was worse than the pain of Jane's gaze, worse than-and it hurt me to say this, but worse than almost losing bella, countless of times.

Though Alice's words sent my world into perspective. I should be hurt because she accused me as a cheater-even though what she say hasn't happened and might not happen, but Im not hurt for that reason. Im hurt because she was telling me such bad words about the girl I was 'caught' dancing with. Saying she was worthless, stupid, and a _slut_. Seeing those blue eyes, the purity behind them- something I suppose Alice couldn't see.

And Alice didn't stop her assumptions. Continue with words even harsher.

Because of this girl of ocean blue origins, I was hurt and I didn't even know her- but yet I wasn't even hurt that Alice had accused me of cheating on_ Bella_! My own wife!

No one, besides me heard her mental rant-but then again, who else can read minds besides me? Though I knew they wanted answers, their faces revealed it all along with the questions running through their heads, but I couldn't voice a word.

Alice didn't hide the fact she was 'talking' to me either, she stared right at me, with hate filled eyes. She didn't know the girl from eve and she had the nerve to call her all those horrifying words, but then again I was caught with the same dilemma, I didn't know her either. But something was so addicting about this girl, something I couldn't get out of my mind, as Alice stopped her rant out of the blue and stepped on the gas pedal and sped to the hotel room. At least that's what I saw in her mind.

A sudden memory flashed before me.

It was painful but I willing welcomed it._ It was a week after Anna had died and I was of course grieving over someone I had truly never had. She was my everything and I hoped she had thought the same of me as her everything, but of course I would never know for sure. _

_We said we loved each other once, that night I gave into her, but of course after that day we never spoke of it again. She was busy with wedding plans, though Im sure that was the last then she wanted to do, but being who she is, she did it for her family. _

_Then that night happened, the diagnoses, and the final moments with her. _

_There was only one then to do afterwards, the day your suppose to forget the past and move on, the funeral, _but I realized now looking out on the passing scenery of Chicago, once so open and green, now so busy and full of buildings, and realized something I should have realized so long ago, before Bella and I went so far. I looked at Nessie in the windows reflection. No, I don't regret _anything_ that happened or any of the decisions I had made, even leaving bella, because it had all led to a great future..._for them._

My mom always told me do what my heart tells me to do, but I had felt I had loss my heart long ago, but at this moment I realized I did have a heart. It might not beat, but I have one, and I knew exactly what my heart was telling me to do. No matter at what cost, I had to dance with the girl in Alice's vision. Something pulled me toward her, and-dare I _think_ it- hold her and fix any problem she had, comfort her, and just be there for her, and all of those things with out even knowing her.

But somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I _did_ know her.

**A.n.- sorry if it was a little confusing but I feel its important to get edward's feelings across.=] Thank you to all those who reviewed any of my stories, 'subscribed' to me as an author, and such. I REALLY appreciate it. Im sure other authors understand how it feels to look at their e-mail and see that people like their stories, I sure know how it feels. I hope you guys will be kind enough to tell me what you think, in a quick review or pm, it makes my day and gives me a reason to continue, thank you. Hope you enjoy my stories, this story, and this chapter.**

**~Ashley**


	6. heaven

_" When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal."  
_

Chapter 6- _"heaven"_

I tried to find the reason inside my heart _'if I have one' _as to why I should continue this facade of misery _'for me.'_

They were actually trying to torture explanations out of me.

****

The

strange behavior at the cemetery....****

The

Alice goes from 110 to 0 in seconds to give me a cold glare _'from their perspective' _but to me it was mentally being yelled at. Thats why I sometimes wished I was unable to read minds, but it has become apart of me, just as much as bella has been.__

'And that is the reason, why they and her CANT know'

and that was my plan, until, that is, Alice opened her big mouth.

She said all of the vision and speaking the words 'cheater' and to my mistake growling at the word she used to describe _her._ 'Slut'

I prayed to _heaven_- to _god 'if there is one' _for some sort of _save, but I really knew all I really needed was her, anna-my one true love, no matter how many times I told myself to move on- she'll never come back, that it wasn't real love, but it was-I knew it._

They all held me down, knowing I planed for escape- thanks to one physic vampire named alice!

But I had to get out of here, this hotel, this suffocation of thoughts being yelled at me, some sad, some mad, some indifferent 'rosalie'.

I don't know how I did so but I moved myself from them and ran- without knowing consciously knowing where I was going- just running for the _need_ to escape.

I found myself at a place so different, yet so familiar. My feet moved on their own, sure of where they were going- I was not so lucky, to not being clued in.

I arrived in the middle of a busy fair, twilight just setting behind the buildings and turning lights surrounding me in a trance as I moved forward into the busy dance floor. I didn't know what I was here, it was like gravity pulled me in-and that's when my eyes landed on her. Words couldn't describe what I felt in that moment and when she turned her focus to me and our eyes meet, golden on blue, blue on golden, I could have sworn I heard **my** heart beat. Fast.

She had eyes of dark blue, deep as the ocean's and wild as the waves and pulling me in like the tide.

And within seconds we were entwined and untwined dancing, never blinking from each others gaze.

Heat radiated from her and just made me come closer. Each touch was fuel, fueling the fire.

And that fire was still there, that unbelievable spark, that turned to fireworks and I recognized that surreal touch that I haven't felt in so long. I had always felt it with her, from the first moment to the last, but because we met at such a young age, I thought that was just-normal and it was for her and I. We occasionally touched just to feel it, both naive to what it really meant and what I knew it was know and according to her mind she as well knew-love. One simply word. In the present of the 21rst century so easily spoken and miss used but being raised in the time I did, knew it was more deep then that. A feeling so easily felt-with the right person, and that person-for me, was _her_. Anna, a love I thought I lost.

There are many kinds of loves, ones that are broken, healed, and ones that are endless.

And I knew when our lips collided with each others that our love was the endless kind, that can survive time itself.

In the heat of passion, I couldn't care who saw, who was hurt in that turning of the lights and I knew that my **fair** girl was never that far **away **after all, like a guardian angel from my own personal heaven- she was always there.

****

AN: I think this is the best chapter I ever wrote for this story and I hope you review and pm me on your thoughts. Im sorry I haven't updated in along time(I had no access to a computer!) But Im back and I hope you like my updates=]

*important*

Im gonna put up a poll if you want me to continue this story(want to see how the cullens react to anna(if its anna), or do you want them to have this 'happy' ending?) Though in my opinion, I think theres a lot of problems left unsolved so please vote for me to continue(Im just not going to waste my time though, and write, if you guys don't like the story and don't want me to continue...)

And I also like to thank all the people who have supported me, reviewed, Pmed, and what not, thanks SO much!

~ashley


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